25/2/2018 0 Comments I'm an angel really!…IT WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!
Dear Humphrey, I’m writing to you because, as a similarly-motivated fellow, I am sure you will understand. It’s really just that I don’t believe I should be feeling guilty. In fact, I would say that I am a long way down the chain of responsibility. Let me put the facts before you so that you can decide. If Barbara’s Mum hadn’t wanted to come down this weekend… If Pete, had not gone up to London to get her, he would have been here and … If Pete had had the sense to eat his lunch with Barbara before he left… If Ronnie had taken his responsibility as an older brother seriously and given advice to his younger sibling, i.e. me… If Domino had come out with us and not expected Barbara to take him out on his own private perambulation… If Barbara hadn’t taken Domino out for a private walk and left us all alone for a whole ten minutes … And most importantly, if she hadn’t left such a big casserole in full view on the kitchen table… …IT WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED! Considering all those facts, it will come as no surprise that, after a nimble leap onto a kitchen chair, it was but a mere step onto the table. Still one small barrier to overcome - there was a plate on top of the casserole - but Barbara hadn’t bothered with a padlock so, a quick nudge with the nose and there it was….half a casserole of Pete’s dinner!! Being a man of taste, he likes his chilli beef really hot, with lots of chilli peppers and kidney beans, just like I do. So, tell me Humphrey, what’s a poor boy to do? By the time our Barbara got back, the casserole was spotless and I was some distance from it. Knowing it couldn’t have been Bertie with his little legs, and Domino’s too old, she looked accusingly at Ronnie because the fool was licking his mush after finding a little something on the floor (I must’ve missed that bit); and she didn’t really consider me as a possibility because excessive effort is not in my sphere of behaviour (She obviously doesn’t understand the power of ‘motivation’!). My secret could have remained safe if it were not for my inner workings. Even then I might have got away with it if Mum hadn’t insisted on getting dressed before taking us out the following morning. And even then, I aimed for the brown square on the rug! So really, I do feel that I was put under unreasonable pressure by other people’s actions and, in the heirarchy of blame, I am pretty near the bottom. Don’t you agree, old friend? Love and greetings Your friend George PS By the way, Pete was never told and apparently enjoyed the sandwich for his tea. JP 2004
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AuthorElderly Cornish woman of substance. Archives
April 2018
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